I think the thing I struggle with the most is being home. It's like being grounded when you did nothing wrong. I can't leave, I can't go hang out with friends, no movies, no mall, just home. It's crazy to think that a place I couldn't wait to get back to is a place I can't wait to leave again. Maybe it's actually the idea of being trapped. In the hospital, I don't leave until they say, and at home, I also can't leave until they say.
I can have 2 visitors at a time. I can't go to anyone else's house. I can't go shopping, but everyone I know can. This is what I struggle with the most; forcing myself to look forward that it won't be like that forever. I will get my freedom back. The struggle is the waiting, the watching. Seeing all my friends making memories together, while I sit at home and wish I was there.They try to include me in any way they can but how can you include someone that can't leave their house?
The feeling of abandonment, of losing grip, losing friends, is all of what I deal with. I don't get to see people I used to call my best friends every day, so they got closer with someone else. That's just how the world works. I know that I will make the best of my future and that one day I'll be able to go where ever I want and do what I please. Unfortunately, that day is not today. It's not tomorrow either, so it's best to just take a deep breath and enjoy the what I can do to make my own memories.
Writing these blogs is making memories, and I'll always have the memory that I started selling something I love. I can make memories with those in my house. I wish I was out making memories with my friends, but I'm still thankful that I'm able to make memories at all. Thankful for every day and everyone that I get to make what memories I can with!