Concentrate on the Good Things

     I have been going back and forth on if I should publicly share the new information I received, since it is extremely personal. I decided at the end of the day that young girls walking in the same path I am will have to face this. So here it is:

     I recently found out that the high dosage of chemo I will receive will severely impact my fertility. At 17 I definitely do not see kids in my near future, but one day I would of course like to have some of my own. For a 17 year old this was devastating. To learn I may never be able to have kids of my own was somewhat terrifying. I had been told all along not to worry about it. But on Tuesday 9/13 I will be undergoing an experimental procedure of removing most of one of my ovaries. This, will hopefully give me a chance to one day have that piece put back in, giving me the hope of having kids of my own one day.

     It's difficult to imagine the feeling of being told over a telephone that if you don't do this, you will more than likely never be able to have children of your own genetic material. To a 17 year old it's almost incomprehensible. You are forced to think that far ahead in your life, and forced to realize that this life saving treatment will also permanently injure aspects of your life later on.

     As most teens do, I dream of having my own little baby to hold while having some else's adorable baby in my arms. I recently got to see my newborn cousin and held him differently than I had previously. When holding him I couldn't help but think that I may never one day have a little bundle of joy of my own. But I let that thought pass. Then I just appreciated how cute and smiley of a baby he is. I realized that I could love any child as if it was my own. This is not the end of the world situation that I thought it was. Not only can I adopt but I could also just be an amazing aunt one day to the future children of my siblings. I need to concentrate on the good parts of my life and the fact that this treatment will help me. If I chose not to do this treatment for the sake of keeping my fertility I may have not been able to live to see those children in the first place. Its an obvious decision. I realized that you can love a child even if it isn't running around with your DNA. You can love anyone. Love is not limited.

     In the face of a seemingly disastrous consequence to chemo, the only logical thing to do is take a deep breath, and move forward. Take everything one day at a time. "Love each other or perish" - Tuesdays with Morrie.


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