Freedom

     I finally got my freedom. I can go out in public again and I can go out with friends again. I finally get to be around animals and around babies. It's wonderful. Hopefully, I'll be able to drive again soon, too! I didn't realize just how free it feels to be able to go into a store until it was taken from me; now I have that ability back and it's amazing.

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Glory Moment

     I can almost see it. Almost feel it. My freedom. No more planned hospital stays, and hopefully no more surgeries. My immune system is slowly growing, and so is my impatience to finally be free. I finally will get to drive a car and go to the movies. I think I'm most excited about being around puppies again. But I'm still a little ways off from this spectacular freedom.

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My Year

     Hopefully everyone had an awesome and safe New Year! I have been changed so much by events in 2016 that I obviously went into 2017 as a different person than I went into 2016 as. I'm determined to make this year MY year. 

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The Close of 2016

     I hope everyone had the amazing Holiday that I had. I'm the luckiest girl. My family came to see me on Christmas Eve and sang Christmas carols since I'm still on quarantine and not around anyone that's sick. My holiday season will end with the close of 2016. The year that changed my life.

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Appreciation

     You don't realize how much people mean to you until you aren’t able to come in contact with them; even if they have a slight sign of the sniffles. For me, this holiday is truly about appreciating one another. It's ok to miss those that can’t visit you, but don't forget to smile at those you do get to see, and appreciate them for everything they do for you. 

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Being Scared

     It's ok to be scared. It's ok to worry. It's not ok to be consumed by these emotions. I am worried about the aftermath of my surgery. Will this even work? Will I get better? Will I one day be able to just have a normal life?

     I Will. I'm scared, but I remember that I've been scared before and came out on top. I've stared fear in the face and won.

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Struggle

     I think the thing I struggle with the most is being home. It's like being grounded when you did nothing wrong. I can't leave, I can't go hang out with friends, no movies, no mall, just home. It's crazy to think that a place I couldn't wait to get back to is a place I can't wait to leave again. Maybe it's actually the idea of being trapped. In the hospital, I don't leave until they say, and at home, I also can't leave until they say.

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Birthday

     10 months ago, even just last month, my life hung in the balance and no doctor could assure me that I would live to see my 18th birthday. No one could positively tell me I’d even see the next day. I would never have thought of a birthday as an accomplishment. I made it. I had the worst thrown at me and I powered through it to my birthday...

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The Future Gives Us Hope

     It's hard to think about the distant future when your life feels as if it's hanging on by a thread. Its hard to think about a college major when there's an intensive surgery waiting for you in 3 weeks. It can feel overwhelming for someone that isn't facing a life threatening disease or illness, let alone someone who Is. But there's a huge reason to always look to the future. The future gives us hope.

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Anxiety

     One second I’m breathing normally, as normally as one can with 1/3 of a working lung, the next second I see my doctor and my heart begins to race. Seeing him brings to mind the hospital, not being home, being sick, going back to no freedom, anxiety. All he wants to do is save my life and all I want to do is run in the other direction...

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